The Art of Losing
by Searra
Summary: hermione is assigned to tutor draco in transfiguration ... and discovers that maybe he isn't as awful as she always thought.


THE ART OF LOSING  
  
by snowflake  
  
supported by sPECTARE, cUPERE, cAPERE, part of aGAINST aLL rEASONS  
  
CHAPTER ONE:  
  
he could see her from where he was sitting. talking to those mindless idiots potter and weasly. why she was stuck with them draco couldn't quite understand. she deserved better. she deserved someone like him.  
  
not that he'd ever tell her any of this. that he wanted her. that he needed her. he was in slytherin. she was in gryffindor. that just about ruined it entirely. there was hardly any chance at all for them to be anything but worst enemies.  
  
but that 'hardly any chance' was all draco wanted to think about.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'you know, the git's taken to looking at us every morning while we eat,' ron commented two tables away.  
  
hermione, her head bent over a piece of parchment, refused to turn her head around. she wasn't in the mood to see malfoy's stupid smirk. she had a headache, and her stupid insomnia issues were kicking in again.  
  
harry grinned. 'maybe he fancies herm,' he guessed.  
  
hermione tried desperately not to turn any shade of red.  
  
ron snorted into his juice. 'can you imagine snogging that slime-ball?' he exclaimed. 'you'd be covered in hair gel by the time you had finished.'  
  
'ok, that was a little too detailed,' harry commented, eying ron oddly. 'please don't tell me you've been swapping spit with malfoy.'  
  
hermione looked up from the paper in front of her. 'that's disgusting,' she said.  
  
'oh, you finally speak!' exclaimed ron.  
  
'what are you talking about?'  
  
'you haven't spoken the entire morning,' ron explained. 'you haven't even asked us if we've done our homework.'  
  
'i haven't?' hermione said, and then shrugged. 'i must've been preoccupied. sorry.'  
  
'morning,' said a bright voice. hermione smiled as ginny kissed her brother's forehead, then turned and kissed harry's cheek.  
  
harry turned a beautiful shade of pink and kissed ginny's hand.  
  
hermione could see ron struggling not to say anything.  
  
ginny took the seat next to harry. 'morning, hermione,' she said, taking a bit of toast.  
  
'morning, ginny.'  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
what? potter and a weasly? draco should've expected as much, seeing how he had practically set them up two years ago. but it was an accident, and he didn't think it had gotten anywhere.  
  
draco was fully disgusted.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'mr malfoy?' professor mcgonagall asked angrily. 'mr malfoy!'  
  
'what?'  
  
'thank you for being so awake.' the class snickered a little, but a look from their teacher, and the room fell silent.  
  
'perform the spell.'  
  
'er - what spell?'  
  
'the one you've been studying for the past forty-two minutes! look up at the board!' draco looked up quickly. one word was written in bright yellow on the green chalkboard: conselvito (not an actual spell. at least i don't think.)  
  
'ah. right.' draco cleared his throat, feeling everyone's eyes on him. he pointed at the small bowl in front of him. 'conselvito.' there was a loud crack and the bowl exploded.  
  
professor mcgonagall frowned. 'it was supposed to turn into a spoon,' she snapped at draco. 'you were clearly not paying attentionw hen i told you to point your wand at the mirror next to you so it wouldn't break the bowl.'  
  
draco sighed. mcgonagall was right, he hadn't been listening. he had been watching hermione. he could look at her all day.  
  
the bell sounded, indicating that the class was over. everyone began to pack up as professor mcgonagall called out the homework. 'ten inches of parchment on why transfiguration is important at dinner parties. and i'd like to see mr malfoy ... and miss granger.'  
  
hermione looked completely bewildered as she walked to the front of the class. draco stood very close to her, and then realised where he was and shuffled to the side. hermione didn't notice.  
  
'now, mr malfoy, i hate discussing one student's grade when another student is standing right here, but i have no choice. your grades in this class are falling. you do not pay attention, you hardly do your homework - miss granger, i would like you to tutor mr malfoy after dinner until nine 'o clock. you may use this room if you like; i'll make sure no one disturbs you.'  
  
'what? professor mcgonagall,' hermione said quickly. 'malfoy and i don't get along very well - perhaps you could find someone else from his house to tutor him?'  
  
no, draco thought desperately.  
  
professor mcgonagall shook her head. 'you have the top marks in the class,' she told hermione. 'therefore you will tutor him.'  
  
CHAPTER TWO:  
  
hermione trudged up the stairs, away from the loud voices coming from the great hall. she wasn't hungry anymore. not at all.  
  
why malfoy, of all people. why?  
  
'oy! granger!'  
  
hermione didn't turn around. she could recognise that voice anywhere, and she wasn't exactly in the mood to see that stupid perfectly slicked-back hair and that perfectly piercing stare ... and those perfectly coloured lips and that perfectly fit body and ...  
  
hermione smacked her forehead lightly. she was tired. that was it. that was all. she didn't honestly think malfoy was good-looking. ok, so he was absolutely gorgeous, but ... she didn't want him.  
  
'do you not understand english?' asked malfoy as he caught up with her.  
  
hermione pretended to just have noticed malfoy. 'oh, sorry, i was too busy being a filthy mudblood to notice a pureblood was around. let me bow before you.' she went down on her knees and lowered her body to the ground. 'master, we worship -'  
  
draco turned pink. 'stop it,' he mumbled. if only he could take back everything he had said before fIfth year ...  
  
hermione looked up. 'what do you want, anyways?'   
  
'i-i just wanted you to know that i'm not looking forward to this anymore than you are,' he said quickly. 'so don't expect me to be ecstatic about learning.'  
  
hermione scowled as she stood up. 'don't expect me to be ecstatic about being around you,' she said coldly and swept past him, leaving her perfume for draco to relish in.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'and that's why harry and i never study,' ron commented after hermione had finished explaining the situation.  
  
harry kicked ron's foot under the table. they were supposed to be supportive of her, not making her feel like an idiot for being smart. ron was sometimes too daft. 'that sucks,' said harry comfortingly. 'anything we can do?'  
  
'unless you can get professor mcgonagall to change her mind, then no. oh, you could kill malfoy for me - that might be good.'  
  
'happy to,' said ron, brandishing his wand. 'where's the little bugger?'  
  
'ron, be serious, please,' hermione snapped. 'for once, act like you're seventeen, ok?'  
  
ron looked at her with wide eyes, jumped up, and promptly fell - or rather, jumped - into harry's lap. 'daddy!' he screamed, sucking his thumb. 'daddy tell her to stop making fun of me!'  
  
hermione laughed as ron quickly clambered off of harry. ginny came over. 'is my brother flirting with my boyfriend?' she asked as she sat down in harry's lap where ron had just been sitting.  
  
'oh yeah, gin,' ron said, rolling his eyes. 'deep down, i've got it bad for harry. i want him so bad and i just didn't know how to tell you, so i decided to take action.'  
  
'he was just trying to cheer up hermione,' harry explained as he ran his fingers through ginny's fiery red hair. 'she's going to be tutoring malfoy.'  
  
ginny's mouth dropped open. 'no,' she gasped. 'oh. my.'  
  
hermione nodded. 'sucks,' she said.  
  
'i've gotten really good at the bat-bogey hex,' ginny said. 'i can do it to him again, if you like.'  
  
hermione shook her head. 'thanks, but i don't want anyone getting in trouble, and i'd rather just get it over with, anyways.'  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'if you get through it, we'll see you later,' ron said mournfully.   
  
hermione thanked him sarcastically, said goodbye to harry and ginny, and walked purposefully to the transfiguration classroom.   
  
the door was open and the lights were on.  
  
draco was sitting in his usual chair, his legs propped up on the wooden desk. 'hello, granger,' he drawled.  
  
'hi,' she snapped, walking briskly towards him. she pulled his feet off the desk and sat down across from him.   
  
'so, where do we start?'  
  
'you start by explaining yourself. what exactly are you planning to do to me, malfoy?'  
  
~ ~ ~   
  
draco was finding it slightly difficult to breathe. she had said 'what are you planning to do to me, malfoy?' hadn't she? hadn't she?   
  
there was no way she could possibly mean what he dreamed, what he prayed ... what he hoped ... she had meant. his twisted mind would always try to make him feel this way.  
  
'are crabbe and goyle going to ambush me as i walk out of the classroom? what? because i can easily call a professor in here and have them give you verit -'  
  
'no, no, no,' draco said hurridly. 'i'm not planning anything. swear. promise. whatever.'  
  
hermione stared at him in disbelief. 'honest?'  
  
draco gave her a small smile. 'honest.'  
  
CHAPTER THREE:  
  
'how was it?' harry asked as hermione entered the gryffindor common room.  
  
hermione's entire body shivered as she realised what she had just spent the past two hours doing - having fun with the enemy. oh. no. they would kill her.  
  
'it was pretty bad,' she lied. 'but not as bad as i thought it would be.'  
  
'you're alive!' ron yelled as he came out of his dormitory. 'oh, thank goodness!'  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'i don't know what to think, ginny,' hermione said. hermione knew she could trust ginny with the situation - ginny would never tell anyone. 'i mean, this guy has called me mudblood since we were twelve. and now we're seventeen, and he's stopped? it's a little confusing, don't you think?'  
  
ginny hummed sympathy. 'i don't understand men,' she said. 'i mean, look at ron. he says he won't mind if harry and i kiss or anything, but i can see his face, and it's really funny. all bright red and twisted ... anyways, that's not the point. maybe malfoy's changed,' she suggested. 'maybe the git isn't as bad as he was last year.'  
  
hermione raised her eyebrows. 'you're just saying that because he turned out to be the little matchmaker for you and harry,' hermione reminded ginny. 'of course, that was by accident.'  
  
'well, yeah, but maybe he really HAS changed.' ginny paused, a playful grin on her face. 'and if you're going to go for any guy from your year, might as well go for him.'  
  
'you know, it's not a good idea to talk about someone when they're right behind you,' a familiar voice drawled.  
  
hermione and ginny spun around, hermione's hair whipping draco's face.   
  
'yes, thank you, granger, i love having bushy hair whack me in the face,' draco said, winked at hermione, and walked away.  
  
ginny, who hadn't seen the wink, sighed. 'ok, so maybe he hasn't changed.'  
  
hermione nodded thoughtfully.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
hermione entered the room. draco was already there. 'you're late,' he scolded.  
  
'i was trying to cut off the part of my hair you touched,' she snapped.  
  
'well, well, aren't we feisty this evening, eh?' draco said, a playful grin on his face. hermione stayed as hard as stone. 'come on, give me a break. it's been two weeks and you're still acting like this?'  
  
'i want you to just understand this, is what i want!' hermione cried. 'you know this, you should get it!'  
  
'but since i don't, you'll just have to wait until i do!' they glared at each other.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
hermione sat in the common room with ron. ron was struggling to finish his history of magic homework, and hermione was staring at the fire. it didn't burn like draco's hard stare. it didn't burn into her soul like his eyes did.   
  
'what's eating you, 'mione?' ron asked, rubbing his forehead with his quill.  
  
hermione snapped back to reality. 'oh, nothing,' she said. 'just tired.' she stared at the fire again. the flames created a face, a face that looked remarkably like draco's ... hermione wanted to lean forward and kiss those perfect lips ...  
  
'hermione?'  
  
hermione blinked. she was right close to the fire. ron was watching her, totally confused.  
  
hermione stood up. 'i thought i saw something,' she said quickly. 'i think i'm going to go to bed. goodnight!'  
  
'night,' ron said oddly as he watched hermione walk up the stairs.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
hermione tossed and turned. she hated not being able to sleep. she hated having all that time to think about the little things in her life ... and the big things ...  
  
that's it, she thought angrily. i'm going for a walk. she grabbed her wand and tiptoed past paraviti and lavender, who were snoring softly in their beds. she went down the stairs, pointing her wand at the boys' dormitory. 'accio invisibility cloak!' she whispered. there wasa soft whooshing sound as the cloak fluttered down. she slipped it on, and hurried out, passed the fat lady, going up the stairs. she wasn't exactly sure where she was going ... she just wanted to walk ...  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
draco couldn't sleep. he never could anymore. not when he was thinking about HER. why couldn't he get her off his mind?   
  
he got out of his bed, opening the bottom drawer of his bureau. he pulled out the invisibility cloak his mother had given to him for his sixteenth birthday. he needed to walk.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
hermione reached the astronomy tower without noticing it. she walked towards the door. it was unlocked. she opened it carefully. it was so dark inside ...  
  
'hello granger,' a voice drawled.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR:  
  
'what are you doing here?' she had asked.  
  
'don't you think you should be asking yourself the same question?'  
  
hermione straightened. 'i have imsomnia,' she said stiffly.  
  
'so do i,' draco said softly. hermione didn't move. 'for the love of merlin, sit down or something! you look pathetic just standing there. loosen up, anything! i won't hurt you.'  
  
hermione relaxed slightly, but only slightly. she sat down next to draco, looking down. he watched her out of the corner of his eye.   
  
'so,' he said.  
  
'so,' she said.  
  
'so.'  
  
'so.'  
  
there was an awkward silence, and then they both smiled, staring at each other full on. hermione realised their stare lasted more than usual and quickly looked away, standing up. she looked out a window, staring into the starry sky. draco crept carefully behind her.   
  
'it's so beautiful,' she muttered.  
  
he just wanted to touch her ... just know she was real ...  
  
'you're beautiful,' he said quietly.  
  
hermione turned around slowly. 'draco -' he cut her off, pressing his lips against hers. hermione closed her eyes, letting him seduce her ...  
  
and then she realised this wasn't some kind of fantasy. this was real  
  
'it was stupid of me to stay,' she said coldly, snatching harry's cloak off of the floor.  
  
'hermione! hermione, wait!'  
  
hermione didn't even care that he had called her by her real name, her first name. she couldn't - she wouldn't - fall in love with someone she had called her enemy since day one.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
'wait, so he tried to KISS you?' ginny asked, her mouth dropping open.  
  
'keep your voice down,' hermione hissed.  
  
'he tried to snog?' ginny said, her voice lowered.  
  
'yes.'  
  
'well, what did you do?'  
  
hermione hesitated. 'i left.'  
  
'WHAT?!'  
  
'ginny, if you don't keep it quieter everyone in the world is going to know.'  
  
'why?' ginny whispered.  
  
'because he's my enemy! perhaps you forgot that one small detail?'  
  
'he was,' ginny corrected. 'but he isn't anymore. or at least, it doesn't seem he wants to be. besides, sometimes you have to love your enemy to discover the person within. or something like that. i can't remember.'  
  
she's right, hermione thought glumly. i screwed things up.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
during defense against the dark arts, hermione scribbled a note.  
  
meet me in the astronomy tower tonight, midnight.  
  
~ the tutor  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
hermione paced around the common room. she glanced at her clock. 11.45. time to go. 'accio invisibility cloak!'  
  
she crept up the cold stone steps carefully. the astronomy tower door was locked. 'alohamora!' it opened slowly. she crept inside. it was empty.  
  
and then -  
  
'hello, granger,' a voice drawled.  
  
she spun around. 'd-draco?' she whispered, pulling away harry's cloak. she stared around the room.  
  
he whipped off his cloak. 'what did you want?'  
  
hermione straightened. 'i just wanted to tell you that i have no feelings for you whatsoever and that you should leave me alone. thank you, draco.' she headed for the door.  
  
draco blocked her.  
  
'then you must've screwed up somewhere,' he said.  
  
'what?'  
  
'you just called me draco.'  
  
'oh. yes. well -' but once again, draco's lips found hers, but this time, she didn't pull away. all she could think was, if it was wrong to fall for him, then it wouldn't feel like this.  
  
draco pulled away for a second. 'i guess i've mastered the art of losing,' he said softly.  
  
'losing what?'  
  
'losing everything i ever lived for. and i have you now, so i've mastered the art of losing myself.' and his hand found hers in the darkness. 


End file.
